Tired But Happy

When you are very tired nothing can calm you same as drinking a cup of tea. So here you are. P.S. These pictures were taken in Mehrdad's brother birthday party. I can swear the one who most enjoyed it ,was Rosana.

Book

"Letter To A Child Never Born" by Oriana Fallaci was finished last night. It was a dialogue between an expected mother and her fetus, she is not sure about carrying him or letting him die....
It was good but not perfect and some sentences noble: Optimists are brave. A little reality is better than probable much in future. ( Thank you KhaleSanaz for the hints.)
I found something after the book. Feelings of a mother who have been informed of her pregnancy is same as others, a complexion of hope, happiness, fear, worriness, changes of future plans, ... but the way that mother guides her feelings is unique and it's the point of having different destinies for millions of fetus.

P.S. This is my 800th post. Such a long time of being here...

Internet

It's a fact that with availability of Internet we can spread news even faster than wind. Whenever you decide you can publish a page and if it's worthy it will be seen more than 1000000 times in an hour.
I read an article in Makhmalbaf site and I'm not same as yesterday any more.
It's the art of an author.

Sensorship

I can't write whatever I like here. Lots of subject are in my mind, from all over the world and especially from my beloved Iran but I can't write about them. If I wasn't known as Somisahara Assaran here then I'd write about Tehran campaigns against government ,my feelings after arguments with Mehrdad or friends,talking about forbidden matters and etc. For all these and some other reasons recently I'm trying to not write about anything in my mind.
Exactly for this reason I deleted my ideas about a comment for the last post twice. I wrote and deleted, again after some minutes wrote and deleted, at last I was sure that my frankness shouldn't hurt anyone who is important for me in a case which is not important in these days of Iran.
Now I haven't said my ideas for him but I'm happy that probably he isn't bothered.

Traveling

We are going to Mashad today, not for participating in Ashoora-Tasooa ceremonies but for being with my beloved ones while they are gathered there.
I don't know why crying for ImamHossein is always meaningless for me. We have lots of live samples of people who have fighted for giving liberty to others and are not with us any more. Why should we forget them for the sake of someone who did a same action 1400 years ago!!!
I'm always confused in these dates but now happy for meeting my grandma, aunts, uncles and cousins.

Funeral

Two night ago Ayatollah Montazeri, One of the supreme leaders of green campaign of Iran, died at the age of 87. I'm sad and say my condolences to everyone who knows him and was his follower.

Happy Yalda

Tomorrow night is Yalda (Longest night of the year) in Iran and we all gather in our parents home for having some nice moments and teach our children the way of appreciation to the old. This is the 3rd Yalda for Rozana and they are having a party today in the kindergarten. Just my parents were invited !!!!!! so now I'm just sitted here and waiting for their arrival to ask about happy times of being with kids and NaneSarma. Yalda without any snow is like coffee without any sugar or christman without pine. I hope you all have nice times beside your beloved ones at this longest night of the year.

National Boarders

Last night I finished reading a book named "Da" and is reprinted about 120 times in Iran. For those who are living here number 120 is not usual. Only educational and religious books have this much copies. Anyhow I bought it about 14$ (It's somehow expensive) and read it every night. It was memories of a woman who was living in Khoramshahr before the start of Iran-Iraq war and then by her memories you can find what was happening there.
Generally speaking I hate the personality of the author. She was rude and pretend that she was the only brave one there and all her actions was correct. Just having a clear view of Khoramshar( Which is the place of Mehrdad's birth) was good for me. Between reading the lines I was thinking what would happen for Mehrdad's family if they hadn't move to Tehran some months before the start of the war?!


Today morning I read between news lines that 11 Iranies soldiers had entered in Iraq and occupied an oil territory near the boarders. Iraq government didn't do any reactions and is waiting to solve the problem diplomatically. What if another war happen? Who is responsible for people who are dying for the sake of their leaders Passions? ...

My Little princess

These pictures were taken professionally with an ordinary camera by Attijoon. They've left us again and we are living with their nice memories.

Migrations

Some years ago just wealthy Iranians were able to send their children abroad for education or very wealthy ones were able to migrate to new countries who were after educated citizens. But recently especially after last presidential election in Iran everything changed. Even some unreachable ones like USA give student visa or other types very very simpler than before.

Most of my friends and families are going. It's not new but always sad.I was able to go some countries but for some reasons which are still reasonable didn't go, so I've stayed and watch their departures.

Between all these events Yaser's was one of the hardest for me, it was new and he was going to a country where didn't have any one to help and my younger brother was better.

But now unwantedly I'm counting the days of my so-called sister departure. Going to Australia means you are never able visiting her in her living land. Means that you are not able to talk hours and hours about your problems and at last find there were not any serious problem. Means that you will lose someone who criticizes you kindly not to show your mistakes but to make them solved. Means that Rozana will know her dear aunt by photo album and DVD's. Means ....

I am sad of these thoughts and angry of busy days which are obstacles between our regular visits.

P.S. I runned comment controlling before being posted publicly not to sensore ideas against but to stop publishing offensive words some known readers put here.

E.C. Segar's Birthday

Today google logo is changed to Popeye who is eating spinach. It's for the sake of E.C. Segar's birthday. Although he died in 1938 but his favorite cartoon character , Popeye, is still one of the most popular ones all the world. I remember the first cartoon which I saw with our home video( old VHS ones) was Popeye. I can feel that great taste of watching it.

It's respectful you do something wich is remembered even after 80 years of your death. We can see lots of people around who are same but also we can see thousands who are forgotten very very soon after their passing away.
I don't want to be a usual one and maybe it's the reason of thinking to death times and again recently.
I want to go to Mashad and be in the cemetry my aunt is burried and just sit and think about whole life. I'm not depressed but have missed being there very much. Give me the right of missing cemetry even if living happily with my beloved ones.

In Holidays

Tonight I have about 23 guests and I'm writing in my weblog from my workplace!!!!! It's one of those cases which my mom always says I'm careless.
Rozana's talking is getting better and nicer and also funnier each day. Some nights ago when we were in a birthday party she was singing "Happy Birthday" song and also dancing all the time. Although it wasn't her birthday party but everyone confirmed that the one who most enjoyed it was Rozana. Her enthusiasm for starting to dance while hearing music in A Very Loud volume is amazing for me. She runs with her short height between those tall men and women who are dancing without any doubt maybe she shouldn't be there. I like this sense of living lively without borders she has. She does whatever thinks is correct, honestly and deeply by her soul. I like to be the same.
I'll try to put her new photos after holidays. Good Luck.

Invitations

Isn't it interesting that on a Tuesday night you are invited to 3 places at the same time? Tuesday is not holiday but maybe good for taking parties !!!!!!! I should think about my next parties time Again.

Ghorban

Yesterday was Eid-Ghorban in Iran and we were in holidays. Of course for all my life Ghorban is the remembrance day of being known of my pregnancy and the start day of feeling Rozana in my soul. It's great and I should confess that I'm eagerly wishing to feel it again.

But yesterday I was thinking about the custom of Muslim's for killing a sheep or cow or camel to remember a part of Islamic history and also donation it's meat to the poor. Is it necessary that we show our donation by bloodsheding? Can't we just help the poor by giving some money? Why the face of Islam is ruining in my opinions recently? It must be false of religion advertisers I think. Really I'm getting doubt in noble and new ideas reverse of those I've learnt till now.

Kitchen

If you don't laugh at me I should confess that the most popular place of the house is my kitchen. I love spending lots of times there cleaning, cooking a meal, even reading book for Rozana or playing some games. I never found that why I can bare all the home tidy but never ever the kitchen. When I See dirty kitchen I feel everywhere is in mess but when it's clean no matter what's happening for the rest of the house by Rozana.
Eating dinner with Mehrdad and my little princess worth a lot, even more that watching Victoria series.

I'm very glad that my beloved Atti joon and Yaser are here in Tehran near us.

Girly Cloths

This type of wearing cloths was Rozana's selection.

Books

What was the name of last book you read? Mine was "Funny in Farsi:Memoires of Growing Up Iranian in America ".

It's a fact most of us can't even remember the name.

Busy Days

How bad is that we are sooooooo busy when even don't find any time for drinking a cup of tea or even saying a usual hello and bye (Or maybe intentionally pretend being busy for not drinking a cup of tea).

I've missed Rozana at the moment very much.

Criticism

We should learn effective ways of criticism, it has sharp edge, and if we make mistake it'll do reverse.
Great thanks for those who still thinks about making things better even if with a wronge way.

Barbery

Yesterday I went to Barbery with a friend and did all jobs which took about 3 hours. While those women were low-lighting our hair and doing the rest we just sat and talked and talked about friends, husbands,relatives, incidents, colleagues,...We drank tea and talked, we ate apple and talked, we phoned mother's for asking about kids and talked.
I really felt that I am a woman. Although I'm a wife and mother and female manager but never feel this much femininity as I felt in the Barbery.
I was all for myself and I was happy.

Job Opportunity

My working company is looling for some engineers in software and hardware field with at least 3 years job experience.
Please contact me if any of your friends is suitable.

Earthquake

Last night I had a bad nightmare. I was with Mehrdad and his sister and niece somewhere out of Tehran in a trip when suddenly an earthquake happened. Even now I can feel that moment which everything was shaking and also roof was ruined. We wasn't hurt andjust survived but all phones, mobiles, TV, radio ... was disconnected and I was damnly worried about my and Mehrdad's parents safety. Even I was thinking about my friends and Mehrdad's sister-in-law who is becoming a mother less than 2 months.
I was crying for getting a tiny news about their safety. Even I was thinking my parents must be safe because their home is built antishake but what about Mehrdad's!!!
Realy it was a nightmare but a very possible one. In the morning when I saw calm breathing of Mehrdad and also regular turn of Rozana while sleeping I thanked God times and again that I'm this much lucky for getting another turn of these scineries.
We should use our chances even if we are so busy, one of them is going out with our beloved ones(As KhaleSanaz mentioned in her last post).

Cyber World

I'm sure you have seen lots of people who lie in cyber world of internet and introduce themselves as someone better for finding better friends or cheating some innocent ones. The simplest sample are those who complete their profiles younger than their age in chat rooms or even the worse are males who introduce themselves as females ...
A modern subject of this matter is about those ones who are not kind/ generouse/ honest/ frank/ nice/ favorite ... but try to show themselves like these adjectives during their weblog lines or ...
My addressor is those people: Try to be kind or honest in real world not just in cyber one, you won't benefit in pretending same as being like that. When they are people who don't bare being with you it means you are not as successfull as you think or write and try not to tell lie about anyone anywhere around.

:)

Last night we were invited somewhere. Rozana was playing and talking whatever she thought. At that place there was a person who put his finger in her nose. Suddenly Rozana shouted " ... joon dast bini naton." It means dear ... don't put your finger in your nose !!!!!1
The face of that person infront of all those people was realy funny.

Happiness

Happiness is always behind the dooor of your house, try hear her nock, let her come inside. She is a good guest.

P.S. Today I heard about 2 holidays we will have as Ghorban and Ghadir eids in about 20 days. I'm happy and have lots of plans.

Thank You!

Today morning I didn't have a good start.
at first I brought Rozana to her kindergarten with her new cloths (they had a photography program from children )
Then I went to our local TCI center and paid bills of phone which was the last chance before disabling line.
Then I stoped in front of a bank for taking money, the moment I locked my car a police car appeared and warned me that if I left my car there they would brought it to police parking lot because it's forbidden to park at that place. I got on the car and drove , thinking how lucky and sharp I was that tackle this problem !!!!!!!
Exactly after 5 minutes I was that last chain of a 5 car chair accident!!!!!!!! Every one were guilty and I was the last car so I should pay for the car infront and no one would pay for me.
Again police came and wrote documents, we all went to insurance agent, and they paid my front car by my insurance, then I went to a car repairing center where Mehrdad introduced, left the car there, came to work by bus and reached there at 12.

All these happenings pluse the sound of accident which is still in my mind made me exhusted, realy I even didn't find any energy to move.
Exactly at this certain moment of despair my best friend called me just for asking about my health. It was the moment I felt God likes me alot for giving me such friends.
I talked to her and became calm. Even I found enthusiasm for updating my blog. Everything will pass, I'll solve all these problems only kindness will remain which it's left for me. Thanks alot my dearest dear ....

Question

What do you do with your old cloths?
This is the question occupying my mind these days. Rozana had a box full of used cloths which are not her size any more and are not old too. Mehrdad and I have also lots of cloths which are not fashionable any more. I don't through them away for finding someone who needs these used cloths but nowadays when finding that person I shy in giving the donation !
what do you do?

Lets Sing a Song

Numbers numbers 1,2,3,
Numbers count for you and me,
Count with numbers 1,2,3,
1,2,3,4,


This is a part of a song Rozana & I are singing (Actually screaming) everyday while we are at the road to kindergarten, in the kitchen cooking a meal, playing with dolls....
Today I was thinking about my best moment of a day life. Have you ever think about that? you have 24*60 minutes in a day. Which part is your best? Which one is the worst?
My best time is these moments of singing with Rozana. It's like fuel for my soul engin. ...And the worst is ... better not to talk about it.
Thank you my little princess for giving me this much joy and happiness. I easily forget all the naughty jobs you do in a day during these moments.

More Pictures

These are some more pictures of our unforgottenable trip to Malaysia.
That painting was on the wall of Junson Mall. It was done by children and published by UNICEF, a nice teamwork I think.Other pictures are taken in a toy shop and a big flowery in Kameron Highlands.

Thursday

I'm at work and Rozana is on the way to be here. Today her kindergarten is off and I don't have anyone for taking care so Mehrdad & I divided my working time ,first half for Mehrdad and second half for me. Of course she is not a ball but today is passed here and there.
Today I came to work by bus!!!!!! A 30 minute way took about 80 minutes. I was sitting there and looking at the face of people who were getting on and off and guessing who are them and what's their problem of being always frawning. It was an old game which I was used to play while going to high school and university by bus. Now I have a car which was my dream of that days but I'm still running and somehow hate driving because it occupies my mind and don't let me thinking about myself and Rozana.
Life is a nice paradox.

...

It's the third time in last week that I've opened page of updating my blog but exactly after opening the page didn't find anything to write, I mean there were lots of subjects for writing and I can't select one of them.
My mother went to Mashad and I'm very alone, in taking care of Rozana and talking with a friend. I'm just running and asking myself to be more potential of doing new tasks. Actually I'm successful in this case but the price is important too.
I'm responsible for house jobs, Rozana trainings, office work ... and now thinking that I'm handling all of them but not with a perfect quality.
From Wednesday a worker will come regularly to solve my problem in house jobs but what about Rozana and what about my own spirite which is dying to be cherished even by going to swimming pool or a gym club?!!!

My Lovely princess

Rozana likes going to a barber but during the haircut only gaze

Thursday

Yesterday was holiday in Iran calendar and tomorrow the same. I'm at work ,full of energy and happy of being at this point of my life. Yesterday I only rest at my parents home and today I'm going to eat lunch with a friend who haven't met for months. Everything is OK so why nagging like other times.
Beside all these happinesses in life, I'm happy of having a man beside who is able for saying love me whenever I need , not like other men who needs only women ears for listening their problems. We women need hearing magic words of " I love you." it's a fact I think.

Life is Life

I was absent for lots of reasons, being so busy at work, catching cold, disconnection of Internet for a day, ...
Now I feel how I've missed this page of HTML codes.
I had a very busy and of course happy weekend. On Thursday my best friend and her husband with were us and on Friday we went to Mehrad's sister and Rozana played and screamed and laughed and ... Now I've learnt to enjoy the most from my opportunities so tried to manage my feelings in the way I want and surprisingly I was successful. It means lots of disturbing ideas didn't bother me any more.
Mehrdad caught cold badly and had a sever flue, even the doctor was shocked of his temperature ,he is better today.


I've missed my brothers and Attiejoon a lot. How bad it's that you can't meet your beloved ones whenever you want but someones who are not important run into your mind everyday.

Thanks God everything is going well.
I'll put new pictures of my little princess at next post.
bye for now.

My Friend Departure

Visiting my friend proved again that energy never expires . If you are ending any friendship you have something else to notice as a great experience.
I met my friend after 2 years but it's not just a simple 2 . For us who were used to visit each other everyday, seat behind high school and university chairs from 7 to 18, study all lessons with each other at exam night, sharing the secrets of becoming in love , remembering our birthdays even if being so far, ...
sometimes words are not potential to express feelings. I can't say anything more just being happy for meeting my soul mate.

My dearest ...
I want to say again and again how much happy I am of having you in a place of this nice world ,and how much I've missed you in these 2 days of your back to your country.
Take very very good care of yourself, your kind husband and all my wonderful memories. Wish to see you again in near future. Kiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiissssssss but never say good bye. I prefer saying Allah Hafiz which means God being the supporter of good memories we had. Allah Hafiz.

Time Takings

When you are pregnant you've started gaining weight. this procedure doesn't have permanent speed but it is with you all those 9 months of carrying your baby. Then when your beloved one is born, you start loosing those extra weight. It's interesting that if you lose it naturally it needs at least 9 months( same as your pregnancy period) for reaching your natural size.
It reminds me the 1st rule of thermodynamic which says energy is conserved in any process involving a thermodynamic system and its surroundings. We studied types of energies improving these rules for physic sciences at high school and university and I believe they are current in all aspects of my life.
Making friendship is one of those energies. If you've paid some energy and time in finding a good friend then you should gain them back for losing that person and I think I'm in that phase of a relationship.

Anyhow, all the moments I regret of fading this friendship thinking of Rozana and her source of energy makes me feel better.


Life is going on with all it's difficulties, thanks God.


P.S. Tomorrow night I have a special guest who is the remembrance of lots of memories. Even now when I think about those 15 years of knowing each other I get surprised that how many incidents we passed for meeting each other again. Tomorrow night I have a special guest.

Mehr

Tomorrow is the start of new educational year in Iran and I've missed the feeling of those days when Yaser and I take each other hands and go to our school which were besides each other. I have lots of memories .... Once Yaser forgot to wear shoes and came with slippers...... good old days.
Yesterday when I went after Rozana in her kindergarten and saw everybody are preparing for 1st of Mehr I was proud that I can see this enthusiasm in Rozana's future.
Happy 1st of Mehr.

Fetr Mobarak

I'm eating breakfast behind my computer and typing in my blog at work. I wasn't late after almost a month (!!!) and full of energy. My PC had some problems and I changed it three times to get something which is able for installing my anti filter software (:D) so I wasn't online for congratulating Fetr and Attie joon's birthday.

Happy birthday my dear honey. We were all thinking about you but connecting by phone was impossible and ....

This year Fetr was different than previous ones. Some Ayatollahs announced it different than official day. It means some of us get fast at the day which was Eid for others. On Sunday morning I checked one of those Ayattollah who I believe in his opinion and saw he said you should fast today so I told others and didn't ate anything. We were invited somewhere outside of Tehran for lunch so we went and by default broke our fast out of Islamic rules but for those who didn't have ant information it became to something confusing ,and I regret for our kind people who are players in these Ayatollahs games.

Nothing

Life is going on, thanks God. This phrase can be the start of a sad post or a happy one. Of course mine falls in 2nd group. Rozana is talking and talking all the day!!! Believe me it is hard to answer all her questions while you are fasting :D
This week was the last week of Ramadan and we weren't at home most of the times. Eftari is a good reason for visiting friends in moslim countries even if you don't fast.

Vali-E-Asr

Vali-E-Asr is the name longest avenue in Iran. It's laid from Tajrish square in north to Railway station in south of Tehran. There are lots of famous shopping centers and restaurant there. One months ago ,traffic officers ratified a rule for making this street as a one-way road from south to north. It means for those ones who want to drive in opposite , there is no way there and should find something else!!!!!!!!!!!!1 Last night Mehrdad & I went to eat Kalle-Pache there. We didn't found any parking place and any something else road ,so we went to another restaurant, but I was thinking about those people who are working or living beside the avenue and are not satisfied...

Bus

Today morning Rozana was with my mom. I rang home times and again but no answer. After one hour when I found them and asked where have you been , I became humiliated. They had gone outside for getting Rozana on a Bus. Mom said Rozana was tired of home and when she suggested going out for getting on a bus she became madly happy ,ate all her breakfast and kissed her a lot. Have you seen any kid who loves being in a bus this much?

Birth Signs

What's your sign? Do you believe in horoscope predictions? I've born in Pisces and have married to a Taurus, we are loving each other but the fact is my best friends are those who are Virgo. I examined this conclusion times and again. There are lots of good friends around who are not Virgo of course, but Virgo's are totally different. They are trustful, loveable, honorable, kind,... My little princess is a Virgo too. and the bad part, I think those who are Scorpio are not tolerable. Anyhow, these are only Zodiac and we are fortunate for having the ability of changing around and there are always exceptions.

Ramadan

I'm enjoying moments of Ramadan beside Mehrdad and my little princess. We all eat Eftar and dinner together. It's first year which Mehrdad is at home for Eftar and I like it beside hard moments of fasting. Rozana's improvements in talking is incredible. Each day there are some new word and from yesterday she called Mehrdad and us and also my parents " Mamanjoon ,Babajoon". I'm getting all the world when she called me Mamanjoon. But she is also cute in saying them, yesterday she was using these magic words for getting potato chips Her new words: "Tebeli"= Talebi(Ribbed-Melon), "Balagh"=Baghal(Hug), "Kuluchu"=Kuchulu (small, tiny), "Belim"=Berim(Lets go),...... When she is talking like this I just die for giving her 10000000 kisses. Anyway, thanks God that life is going on.

Rozana's 2nd BDay

I really felt the absence of my brothers and Attiejoon. They are always with us even if live faraway.

Busy

We are preparing for Rozana's birthday party which will be tomorrow night. Yesterday I ordered cake and also took her portrait photos, and today I'm doing meal jobs! I'm really happy of these days feeling and pray kind God for giving children to whom is waiting for. These pictures were taken in Cameron highlands and BatuCaves.

2

Happy Birthday my dear Rozana

Tioman Island

You should drive about 5 hours from Kualalampur and then sale for about 1 hour to reach one of the most beautiful places of the world called "Tioman Island". We spent one night there and can never forgot delicious taste of seafood and nice view. Also Rozana enjoyed of playing bare feet in that nice ocean water. I love dreaming of being there again.

Mega Mall

In all shopping centers we caught a lorry for carrying Rozana in those big areas by paying 50 RM as deposit. Even there were certain places for changing babies.

Pishooli & Jusco